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Bath County News - Outlook
Owingsville, Kentucky
February 13, 2003     Bath County News - Outlook
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February 13, 2003

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Live Free Or Die? The uproar over the new license plate in Kentucky has many considering alternative plates this year. In case you haven't seen it, Kintucky has now adopted a new plate with a smiling sun rising (or setting) ever what appears to be either green clouds or hills. Perhaps ,it is just a legislative-made swamp. Under "Kentucky" is the phrase, "It's that Friendly." [" In any event, many people are opting for the alternative plates. P Others are suggesting home made modifications to the new plate. Before you do that however, let me warn you that defacing or modifying a license plate may be a violation of the law. New Hampshire had a controversy over its license plate a few years ago, which was a bit different There, the state motto, "Live Free or Die," was required to be displayed on all noncommercial license plates. A statute made it a misdemeanor to obscure any part of the motto. George and Maxine Maynard were residents of New Hampshire who owned two vehicles. They were also of the Jehovah's Witnesses faith. The Maynards considered the New Hampshire motto to be repugnant to their moral, religious, and political beliefs. Mr. Maynard stated it this way: "By religious training and belief, I believe my 'government' - Jehovah's Kingdom - offers everlasting life. It would be contrary to that belief to give up my life for the state." The Maynards snipped the words "to die" off of their plates. Lo and behold, Mr. Maynard was cited for defacing the plate. He was found guilty, but only fined $25. However, Maynard appealed and ultimately the issue went all the wayup to the United States Supreme Court. The Court determined New Hampshire's actions violated the Maynards' First Amendment rights. The state was in effect requiring the Maynards to use their private property as a "mobile billboard" for the State's ideological message. The Court said the First Amendment protects the right of individuals to refuse. The Maynards had a right to not display an ideological point of view they found unacceptable, and thus the statute was declared unconstitutional. Most recently, another license plate controversy arose in Virginia. An organization called the Sons of Confederate Veterans petitioned the state for a special license plate that incorporated a logo of Confederate flag. Their petition was denied, and they sued, claiming the logo restriciton violated the First Amendment. The federal court agreed with the Sons, and determined Virginia's rejection was improper. Virginia has allowed over 100 organizations to have specialty plates created, incorporating various designs and logos. Because Virginia opened up its license plate to a myriad of private speakers but wished to restrict the message of one to those speakers, the court reasoned the First Amendment applied. It saw this as a free speech case, not a Confederate flag case. In dissent one judge, citing the New Hampshire case, said what Js on a license plate is the State's speech, and it should have some control over what is on its plates. License plates are the property of the State, and thus a license speaks for the State. Virginia, he reasoned, should have the right to reject a message which the Confederate flag represents to many as offensive and racist. In our state, it is doubtful there is any First Amendment protection .form displaying smiley faces, sunshine, and hospitality. Given some of the negative publicity some counties have received in the news recently there may be an argument however for keeping one's county off the plate, : And I think it would be helpful to require the members of the General Assembly to have smiley faces on their legislative plates. iMaybe there would be more cooperation in Frankfort. .... COPYRIGHT @2002 WILLIAM B. MAINS ,8. o 'li It , I 0 "I.iAVE VOU EVER FELT LIKE V0uR: uI:E 16 #. REAL.fly C)IkoV4 "l'00T BoAA00D .9- i i f qq tere are a few things you can do to Valentine's Day special for your loved Valentine's Day is Friday, so fellas, here are a few tips on how to make that special someone feel special: Wine her, dine her, call her, hug her, support her, hold her, surprise her, compliment her, smile at her, listen to her, laugh with her, cry with her, romance her, encourage her, be- lieve in her, pray with her, pray for her, cuddle with her, shop with her, give her jewelry, buy her flowers, hold her, write love letters to her, and last but not least, go to the end of the earth and back again for her. And I bet you thought it would be hard to please her. Girls, if you want to make an iifipression with your man, simply, show up, bring food, and don't block the TV. ooeooKMoeeoe On the first day God created the COW. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suf- fer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. Let me have 20 years and I'll give back the other 40." And God agreed. On the second day, God created the dog. GOd said," Sit all day by the door of your house and growl at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of 20 years." The dog said, "That's too long to be growling. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So GOd agreed. On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh, HI give you a 20 year lifespan." Monkey said, "How boring, mon- key tricks for 20 years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And GOd agreed. On the fourth day GOd created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you 20 years." Man said, "What? Only 20 years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my 20 and the 40 the cow gave back and the ten the dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes 80, okay? .... Okay," said God. "You've got a deal." So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for" the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to enter- tain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years, we sit in front of the house and growl at everybody. oooKMoo Three men, one German, one Japa- nese and a Kentuckian were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager,"he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm. ' A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mbile phone. I have a microchip in my'hand." The Kentuckian felt decidedly low- tech, but not to he outdone he decided he had to do something just as impres- sive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a paper hanging from his The others raised their and stared at him. The finally said, "Well, will that, rm getting a fax! eeeooKMooo After U of L coach passes away and enter, takes him on a tour. He shows Rick a little t room house with a faded banner hanging "This is your home people don't get their here", explained God. Rick looks at the house, turns around and looks sitting on top of a hill. It story mansion, with white columns and little patios huge Kentucky Wildcats hanging between front porch. for the a question. I get and Tubby Smith new UK banners and flags: over the place. Why is that  God looks at Rick moment and then replys, Tubby's house Rick, That's From the files of "RUSS METZ", 1919: We Understand Disorganize00t t onfusion..Or Which Way Does A Pig's Tail Dump a couple of hundred newspaper people together and you have a menagerie like no other, anywhere. And, if this isn't enough, drop in some mixed-up state park locksmiths and sign painters, and things can get a little interesting. Last weekend, our family made the pilgrimage to Kentucky Dam Village for the Kentucky Press Association's (KPA) summer clambake. At the park, we were assigned nice rooms in the Lake Village, and unpacked our fried shirts and loudest socks, then went to mingle with the mob. Between sessions, we rushed back to the rooms for something and found ourselves locked out. For some reason, maintenance personnel had changed locks on our rooms. It took some jangling of keys and gnashing of teeth to bring this episode to a close, so we could resume action on the Fourth Estate Front. The next trip back to the room brought another surprise. They had changed the room numbers--painted out the old ones and lettered in nice new ones. So the key for room 190 is now for room 119, and there was no telling how the telephone was rigged. We were afraid to go near it. But you can't blame KPA for getting things all loused up like that. This association is too well organized to change numbers in the middle of a guest's stay or visit, or play "drop the lock" with its members. When an association gives you an award in a contest your newspaper did not enter, you can hardly say enough nice things about it. I tell you it is good to get home where the confusion is disorganized just enough that I can understand it. -RM- Somebody once told me you could look at a pig's tail and determine how wealthy the critter was. Not having spent much time watching pig's tails lately, I'm a little out of practice on this subject. But it does bring up an interesting question: Which way does a pig's tail curl--to the left or right? Das Columnist Paul Crume ran into a fellow in Texas who claimed that the pig's tail should curl clockwise in the Northern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the Southern hemisphere, or maybe it was vice versa. Paul says this theory doesn't hold much water, because the fellow got his facts confused with the behavior of a hurricane and, besides, the pig doesn't know whether he is in the Northern or Southern hemisphere. A pig's tail is obviously curved either clockwise or counter clockwise without his knowledge. The pig has too much sense to organize his life around a clock. He is too concerned with what the front end can take in, to give the flag on his back end second thought. The Texan apparently wondered if it was not the "Coriolis Force" which had the twisting effect on pig's tails. Paul explains RUSS METZ I "Coriolis Force" like this: Imagine you are standing on a fixed platform at the North Pole looking south. The world is swirling eastward at your feet at an unbelievable speed. You let go with a bowling ball straight south in a perfect strike toward the South Pole. It makes no difference if the ball travels straight and true toward the South Pole. Plotted on the face of the earth which is whirling underneath, it will travel a curve to the right from, say, Point Barrow, Alaska, to Tokyo, scoring a perfect strike on the South Pole at the end. A man standing on a fLxed platform on the South Pole who bowled toward the North Pole, might hit it demon, but his ball across the face of the earth would have curved way off to the left. Then there is a thing called friction, which has not yet been solved by Bardahl or the Tiger in the Tank. This is the reason that hurricanes always travel to the fight of the North Pole observer and to the left of the South Pole observer, until they lose their spirit of rebellion against the atmosphere anddrift with it. That is something to look for, if you the North or South Pole without anything else to do. Unfortunately, the effect on pig tails has not been ciently studied. A man has to make Ul: end of a pig, or the movement of the earth, to get subject. Anyhow, in either hemisphere, it is hard to pin swirl of a pig's tail. It would seem to depend on was walking north or south, and from which direction' your sighting. And, if you're smart, you'll make it upwind side. -RM- This school drop-out problem is stop and think about it. Most of the dropouts I know more money than I am, and it is getting harder me to show them what an advantage it is to be smart. A friend of mine, an Indiana manufacturer, how much he enjoys the News-Outlook's editorial expresses a very interesting opinion of the world says: "It is amazing to me how all other intellectual responses. We start to police the we got ourselves in places that even the fervent President Johnson won't extricate us from. should be a president down on his knees praying, forgive us our mistakes and tell us how to "If we survive it all, I hope that it will be a lesson to while we may be a big country, we are not bi everything we put into our mouth, and that fat foot." -RM- If you have to be run over by an automobile and want tol Mamma in the upper bracket, I suggest you try for Ned Breathitt's black machine. His office leases a and in the package deal are parts, repair, and a worth of liability insurance. Onward, Upward.