6 • July 28, 2010 Your Hometown Newspaper Bath County News-Outlook
ply because people like At least it is good for
They Don't Make Beans i
Like They Used To I
By Russ Metz I
II
Most women nutri-
tionists have a common
goal in life: they want to
starve us healthy, red-
blooded males into sub-
mission with diets that
do not include corn pone,
sopping gravy and baked
Alaska. Occasionally
one kicks the traces and
comes up with a sensible
menu for the masses.
Take the one who has
an idea for the hunger-
in-America problem.
She would get rid of all
the food stamp hoola
and all the bureaucrats
who administer it and
would have the govern-
ment simply put bulgur
wheat, beans dried milk
and some other gourmet
dishes like fish meal in
distinctive bags in the
corner grocery stores,
and people could come
by and pick they up for
nothing.
She says that a per-
son ~vho uses these four
items would be well nour-
ished. Bulgur wheat, by
the way, is wheat, that
is processed so that it is
nutritious without the
highly-specified flavor of
corn flakes. Dried milk is
milk that has all the nu-
trition in it that had been
taken out of diet milk.
This diet, she says, is
sufficient for livelihood
norm
except for those
must have a jug of wine
and thou. A jug of McI1-
henny sauce will substi-
tute for those who have
taken the vow.
As long as you include
the bean menu, you are
pretty safe is saving hu-
manity. Our generation
was saved by the bean,
and except for the gap
we have created with
the next generation, we
haven't fared too badly.
But the bean today is
probably the most mis-
treated food item in your
grocery store.
Most are sold in cello-
phane bags, those pretty
plastic sacks that show
off food so handsomely.
This desecrates the bean
because it exposes it to
light, causing quick dete-
rioration. Even a couple
of weeks under a neon
light is enough to do a
bean in. This is why the
beans you buy so often
crumble or split in half
while you are sorting
them, making too much
bean trash per pound.
They do no plump up
when you cook them, but
instead turn into a sickly
mush. This is particular-
ly true of the pinto bean,
the aristocrat of bean-
dora.
Beans should be in
brown paper sacks and
in the case of the gov-
ernment passing them
out free, the olive drab
KSP issues road
Preliminary sta-
tistics* indicatethat
thirteen people died
in thirteen separate
crashes on Kentucky
roadways from Mon-
day, July 19, through
Sunday, July 25, 2010.
tim was wearing a hel-
met.
One pedestrian in-
volved fatal crash oc-
curred in Jefferson
County :
Ten of the crashes in-
volved motor vehicles
and five of the victims
were not wearing a
seat belt. Single-fatal-
ity crashes occurred in
Bell, Campbell, Chris-
tian, Grayson, Jackson
, Jefferson, Lincoln ,
Montgomery, Shelby
and Trigg counties.
The suspected use of
alcohol was a factor
in the Campbell and
Shelby county crashes.
Two separate fatal
motorcycle involved
crashes occurred in
Marion and McCrack-
en counties. One vic-
. F~TT~I~
* 10 e~i a~ses with Webm~
" j~=3~
Today &
674.2100
Reliable Internel Access S~nce 1994
DEBT RELIEF
Under the new Ban/cu~y Law )~u ~,,,
• STOP Creditor Calls
: STOP Repossessions
STOP Law Suits
• STOP Wage Garnishments
STOP Home Foreclosure
The ne~ lawis a legal and
honorab~ mear~ m deaJ with the
severe burden of de~ You should
not h~itat for a ~to~l~
advantage of al hooorable means
to revitalize Ca//now.
HAYDEN & BUTLER
51 N, Maysvme ~., t~ 8tenmg, Ky.
859-499-3334
(A ~bt ~ age~y ~ peopte tile
nsurance Protection Financial Securiv/
for re.el .hoot ~e Bankrup~j co~)
Through July 25 pre-
liminary statistics* in-
dicate that 400 people
have lost their lives
on Kentucky roadways
during 2010. This is
48 less fatalities than
reported for the same
time period in 2009.
There were 317 mo-
tor vehicle fatalities
and 160 of those vic-
tims were not wearing
seat belts. Forty-six of
those crashes involved
a commercial motor
vehicle. Thirty-two
fatal crashes involved
a pedestrian and 1 in-
volved a scooter. Forty
crashes involved a mo-
torcycle and twenty-
sacks, conforming to
strict GI regulations.
Beans should be kept in
the dark. That way they
will last forever. You will
remember that King Tut
hadn't held too well when
they dug him up, but the
beans that were buried
with him were still good
after all those centuries.
To get the best beans,
you should buy them in a
tow sack still in the hulls
and from a farmer and
set the kids to hulling. It
keeps them off pot.
The federal feather
merchants have been
fairly confused in its
bean program. You might
expect this would hap-
pen under bureaucratic
bean specialists who live
in lobster.
In some sections of the
country, farmers plant
black-eyed peas under a
government soil replen-
ishment program. Farm-
ers cannot believe dirt
has the same appetite as
people and this program
has caused some ripple
in the ranks.
"I can't harvest them,"
a farmer told me. "I can't
use them myself and I
can't feed them to my
livestock. And another
thing, if you are hanker-
ing for a mess of black-
eyed peas, I can't stop
you from taking some."
Now this is the kind of
replenishment program
even I can understand.
-tpt-
The thing I wrote about
chewing tobacco and dip-
ping snuff brought out
between sneezes, the
question of the signifi-
cance of the bumps on
the bottom of Garret
Snuff Bottles.
One school holds that
they indicate the relative
strength of the snuff,
one, two or three-bump
power. Others smile
knowingly and say the
bumps are merely mold
marks to indentify the
bottle so some pharma-
ceutical company wont
start putting aspirin tab-
lets in them.
Dallas columnist Paul
Crume and his friend
Joe K. Storey put the
question squarely to the
company, The American
Snuff Company of Mem-
phis. '"We don't want no
doubletalk or historical
society palaver," they
told the firm. "Just the
facts, ma'am"
In time they got a re-
ply from a company rep-
resentative, who gave a
sensible reason for the
bumps. Originally they
were indeed mold marks,
back when Garrett had
to get his bottles from
several sources.
But they do not need
the mold marks now.
Yet the bumps were
left on the jars sire-
fatality statistics
three of those victims cal law
were not wearing hel- agencies
enforcement
throughout
bumps on the bottom
of their snuff jars. "The
bumps have absolutely
no significance," the ex-
ecutive said. With this,
he establishes himself as
a shrewd observer of hu-
man nature.
It is the inconsequen-
tial things that make life
worth living. The ordi-
nary man can do nothing
but Vietnam, but he can
paste a flag decal on his
bumper. The big things
he cannot control, but
he will find a way to as-
sociate himself with the
things that give him ex-
pression. Like the bumps
on snuff bottles.
The company has no in-
tention ever of changing
the Garett Snuff bottle,
and this will give many
a common man heart. He
has little enough to hang
on to. It is good to know
that while empires fade,
stars are reached and
kings depart, there will
always be bumps on the
bottle of Garrett Snuff.
us who are denizens oi
the world of inconse-
quentialities. We Spend
our lives making a two-
bit mistake in the com-
pany books, reading a
mystery that turns out
to have the last chapter
missing, watering plants
that wither and die and
forgetting what we had
meant to say when asked
to recite grace.
We like things we can
depend upon.
Semper fidelis.
* Russ Metz was the
former owner/publisher
of the Bath County News
Outlook, who helped es-
tablish the long-held
tradition of excellence in
reporting for Bath Coun-
ty's oldest, and one of the
st,te's most-respected
ndwspapers: Your home
to/vn newspaper of lega]
record, The Bath County
News Outlook. We will
continue to share Mr.
Metz's wonderful column
in future editions of The
Outlook.
Morehead State University, recognized as one of the top public universities in
the South by U.S News and World Report, is accepting applications for a full-
time standing position as Human Resources / Payroll Associate in the Office of
Human Resources. for a full description and to apply, visit www.moreheadstate.
edu/novushrapps, please upload] attach a letter of application, resume, and three
references by August 4th. 2010. Contact the office of Human Resources at 606-783-
2097 should you have questions about our online application. MSU is an EO/AA
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Farmers Mutual Insurance Company
of Mason County
"Since 1879"
• Homeowners
• Farm Properties
mets. Eight crashes
involved an ATV and
six victims were not
wearing helmets. Two
crashes involved a bi-
cycle. A total of 88 fa,
talities have resulted
from crashes involving
the suspected use of
alcohol.
Citizens can contrib-
ute to highway safety
by reporting erratic
drivers to the Ken-
tucky State Police toll-
free at 1-800-222-5555.
Callers will remain'
anonymous and should
give a description of
the vehicle, location,
direction of travel and
license number if pos-
sible.
*These statistics are
still preliminary as
KSP waits for all lo-
T~mm~z 4t ~ H
859-420-4872-CEU
"Don'r Ove~yt...Call lnspectorUSAP"
www.inspectorusa.com
the state to report any
crashes and fatali-
ties that may have oc-
curred in their areas.
Crash data for this re-
port is generated from
the Kentucky Fatal-
ity Analysis Reporting
System (FARS).
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